Description:
I can't cook. Seriously. So when I tell you that you can make French Toast even if you are a complete moron, you should believe me.

Ingredients:
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
2 pieces of bread

Directions:
Put egg and milk into bowl. Mix thoroughly with an egg beater (we have these around because there is someone here who can actually cook) or a fork. The mixture will still look revolting, because let's face it, eggs are gross. HOWEVER:

Now take the bread and put it in the egg mixture, and kind of push it down a little and then flip it over and make sure it gets pretty well covered. But be careful not to leave it in there too long; you want it covered, not soggy, and definitely not falling apart.

Put the goop-covered bread in a frying pan over medium heat. You will also want a spatula for this. You will need to watch this, and use your judgement about when it's about ready to flip. You can flip it a few times though, nobody's watching. Once you think it's pretty much done, put it on a plate. Repeat the whole process for the other piece of bread.

Now drown it in maple syrup and/or cover it with slices of butter. This is French Toast dammit, you didn't expect it to be healthy, did you?

For extra fun add a pinch of cinnamon, sugar, and/or 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla extract to mix, or sprinkle confectioner's sugar on them when they are done.

Caution: I stole this picture. Mine didn't look that good, and I sure didn't serve it with a carefully sliced apple.

UPDATE: Someone pointed out that this should be called "Freedom Toast", which is an excellent point. But I thought it would be amusing to see if Google picked up the recipe, so I'm leaving it French Toast.

Ingredients:
2 hamburgers
2 buns
2 slices American cheese
rain

Directions:
Walk out in the rain and turn the barbecue on. Walk back inside and dry off your shoes. Watch steam come off barbecue until it is dry.

Go out and scrape grill with wire brush, turn down to medium heat. Go back inside and get hamburgers. Christ, when will it stop raining?

Put two hamburgers on grill, close grill, go back inside. Chance of showers my ass. Take soggy flannel shirt off. Put on a sweatshirt.

Wait a few minutes, then go back out with a spatula and a plate containing buns, and your slices of American cheese. The buns will get a little wet. That's OK, you're toasting them.

If patties have started to "bleed through", they are ready to flip. Turn them over, put the cheese slices on top, open the buns and put them on your browning rack (if you have one) or on part of the grill that's turned off.

Go back inside, and wipe the plate off with your shirt, or with a towel if you're uptight about those things. Wait a few minutes.

Walk back out with your plate. You must act quickly now because too much rain will spoil your burgers. First the bottom of the buns, then the burgers, then the tops off to the side (to facilitate the adding of ketchup later). Shut the grill off, shut it (leave the spatula for now, you can retrieve it when it stops raining in August).

If you've done this right your burgers should be juicy with melted cheese, with light yellow spots on them from rain drops. The buns should be toasted yet slightly moist from being rained on.

Take off the sweatshirt, grab something to drink, and turn on the TV. Towel dry hair, if any.